By CILA's Social Work Team
Unaccompanied youth are often adjusting to unfamiliar cultural norms with limited support systems. In addition, they are exploring the typical complexities of adolescence like navigating social dynamics, including searching for acceptance and forming relationships. This can drive youth to make impulsive decisions and engage in risky behaviors, and their vulnerabilities can at times be exploited by others and lead to unsafe situations where underage youth engage in “romantic” relationships with adults. These relationships are not only legally problematic but also pose significant safety risks for underage youth.
As advocates, we take on various roles—supporters, educators, counselors—and as such we must navigate this type of challenging situation with our clients. As an advocate, your role is to empower the youth to understand why the relationship may not be healthy or acceptable within the context of their well-being and the law.
Below are some trauma-informed tips that can help as you work with these teens:
- Begin by creating a safe and comfortable environment for the teen to express themselves without judgment. Assure them that your conversation is confidential, with limitations as required by your professional duties.
- You can say, "I admire your courage in talking about your relationship with me. It takes strength to open up about personal matters, and I want to commend you for taking this step. Your safety is my priority. How about we explore ways to ensure your safety and well-being?"
- Ask open-ended questions to understand why they believe the relationship is okay. Explore their thoughts on safety, respect, and the potential consequences of dating this person.
- You can say, "I understand that you may have strong feelings for this person, and those feelings are valid. However, I also want to acknowledge that navigating relationships can be challenging. I'm here to listen and help you through this."
- Explain to them that in the United States, there are laws regarding the age of consent for sexual relationships. Emphasize that these laws exist to protect minors from exploitation and abuse. You can provide information on the specific age of consent in your state.
- You can say, "In the United States, the law says that youth under a certain age (insert age of consent for your state) aren't legally able to consent to sexual relationships. This law exists to protect minors from being taken advantage of. Have you heard about these laws before? Why do you think this law exists? Can you think of situations where minors could be taken advantage of?"
- Help them understand the power dynamics at play in this relationship. Explain how an older partner may have more control and influence over them, which can lead to exploitation and manipulation.
- You can say, "Even though you might feel grown-up in some ways, it's important to remember that being 15 means you're still going through a lot of changes and growth. You're still figuring out who you are and what you want in life, and being in a relationship with someone who's older than you might affect and hinder your growth and development in a negative way."
- Try to provide them with examples that can help them understand the reasons for concern. These examples can help them think about the situation from different perspectives and encourage critical thinking.
- You can say, "Now, let's imagine another scenario where your younger sibling or cousin is in a relationship with someone much older. How would you feel about that? What concerns would you have for them?"
- Acknowledge that cultural norms and values around relationships may differ between their home country and the United States. However, emphasize that regardless of cultural differences, the priority is their safety and well-being.
- You can say, "I know that in your culture, that teens in relationships with older people (even adults) might be more common and accepted. While we respect cultural differences, prioritizing your safety and well-being comes first. Can we talk about how we can make sure you're safe in your relationships?"
- Provide information about safe and healthy relationship practices and discuss the importance of seeking supportive and positive relationships. Encourage them to build a network of trusted friends and mentors who can offer guidance and support.
As an advocate, it’s also crucial to be aware of mandated reporting laws and have knowledge of consent laws in your state. Transparency is important. If you determine that there is a situation that requires reporting, explain this to the teen in a compassionate and clear manner. The reporting process can be intimidating and stressful, so ongoing support is crucial. Help them understand what steps will be taken and offer emotional support as they navigate any subsequent procedures or investigations.
Navigating the complexities of life is never easy, especially for teenagers experiencing so many firsts and dealing with new emotions and situations. As advocates, it is crucial that we provide unaccompanied youth with guidance and protection while also respecting their autonomy as much as safety allows. By being a protective factor in their lives, we can help them navigate their complex world with greater confidence and security.